Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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