I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
