I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
