the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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