Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
