I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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