friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
