you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
