today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
