Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she told me i tasted like america
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What happened to fro yo and sex?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
