Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
