doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
