The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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