OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
