If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
