You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
