My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
