I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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