so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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