this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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