We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize