This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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