I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
did i walk over a car last night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
