it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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