So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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