I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
