some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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