I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
