Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
