I am puke
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
