thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
