u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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