Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
