Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
