No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
