Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
