No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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