If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
