Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize