I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
