oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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