I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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