i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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