listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
