Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
