don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Less talking, more tequila
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
