All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
