I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hippo gnu deer
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
