He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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