This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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