you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
