Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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