I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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