I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
