Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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