I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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