were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize