the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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