your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
