im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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