Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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