yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You were trust falling into bushes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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