I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
