So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
