Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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