Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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