They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
