I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
