Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
